I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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