Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Randomize
