Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
