your room smells of hookers.
And success
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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