So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
my being single is dangerous.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
