Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
