Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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