I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
