Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Who did Billy Mays play for?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
