my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
