even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
