dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
