Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
