Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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