i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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