Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
‎"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
