Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
