I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
even my farts smell like vagina
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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