Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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