Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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