It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
