Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
