so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
