I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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