He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She even gives head with a lisp.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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