I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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