Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
