the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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