4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
