no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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