I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
