Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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