Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize