I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
