Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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