My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
