it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
