You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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