Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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