would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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