That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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