I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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