obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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