He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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