what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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