It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
