You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
