yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
