Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
