..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
