Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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