In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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