i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
