I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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