so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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