The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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