I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
