i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
