garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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