"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
