and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
