idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
