if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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