New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
