Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
