OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
