then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
